A Turtle's Jagai
by guardian921
Summary: Bushido means honor and loyalty, but what happens when one turtle's loyalty is dismissed? How far will they go to prove that loyalty? Mikey centric post 2007 movieverse GRAPHIC CONTENT INVOLVES RAPE not for kiddies


Title: A Turtle's Jagai

Author: guardian921

Rated: M, or NC-17 [your call

horror/general

about five months post 2007 movieverse

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, 'cept for the twisted mind and time put into this...

A/N: all notes[definitions, meanings, apologies, etc are at the end, so not to ruin the story.

Summery: Bushido means honor and loyalty, but what happens when one's loyalty is dismissed? How far will one go to prove that loyalty? Mikey centric; post 2007 movieverse

We're in the meditation room.

They had just found out, and they aren't happy.

I'm kneeling in front of Master Splinter, who's face is that of pure passive anger. Black eyes staring deep into my soul, tearing it apart and leaving the shreds on the ground to be stomped on. His gnarly hands are clenched tightly around and under the knob of his walking stick, as if hoping that if he squeezed hard enough, he'd be able to strangle me to death, longing to bring honor back himself. Despite that the lights are off and only a few sparse candles are lit, I can still see my brothers as though they were in broad daylight. The looks of disgust as the faint light rocks spastic waves across their face, sending an even fainter orange armor washing over their plastrons. Leo's hand grips the hilt of his katana with such impatience that his knuckles are turning white, which is pretty hard for a cold-blooded, green turtle to do, but he manages it. The bloodlust in his eyes are so savage that I'm scared that he'll slowly hack me into pieces, rather then pierce my heart or decapitate me with a lethal swipe. No, he was going to enjoy it. Raph, strangely enough, was calm and collected, but I took no comfort in it. Mainly because I recognized the eroticism in his eye. The way the amber orbs had follow my every move as I was dragged from the sanctuary of my room to be trialed and judge in the "peaceful serenity" of the meditation room. He seems to be particularly fond of analyzing my upper plastron, which was more shapely, since Donnie had forcefully removed my bindings. I shiver as he licks his lips, staring at the blood that had formed from where the butt of Leo's katana had made contact with my head while collecting me, trickling down toward the base of my neck. The worst is Donnie, though. He merely stares at me with a look of disgust, but more importantly, hurt. He had always stood up for me, willing to save me from Raph if he got too pissed. He had taught me how to use a computer, helped me set up accounts, shell, he even let me have one of his older computers!

"Ko..." Splinter's voice echoes in the vast emptiness that surrounds us. Beady black eyes speak in harsh tones that rivals the hatred and revulsion that drips in the words. "You have been brought before me as you truly are: a woman!"

"Father, plea -" I start, glancing up pleadingly, only to be silenced as he brings his furry paw down, backhanding me. I cry out in surprise, but refuse to cry. To do so would only confirm their beliefs on my weakness.

"You dare speak to me?" He bellows, looming over my body that had be sprawled to the floor in a heap. "You? After all that you have done? After you have _lied_ to my sons and I? Have you not brought enough shame and dishonor upon my master, Hamato Yoshi's, name, that you will call me father?"

I can't help but turn my gaze once more upon him, though only for a second. I see hurt and pain in those eyes. Hurt and pain that are caught in a whirlpool of hatred. The way he referred the others as his sons, instead of my brothers. It, like, was as if he'd just sliced open my heart with an ice blade or something. It burned, but it also left a whole in me, letting the draft air in.

"You are no son of mine. My son was Michelangelo, and he died the moment you took your first breath." My eyes widen as I watch him reach into his robe, only to pull out an ornamented tantō. The jade handle was in the form of a crane. It's flawless green neck held erect with pride, curling elegantly with the tip of its sharp beak resting against his ruffled breast. The wings gracefully made their way down toward the blade, merging with the tail feathers and covering, like, a fourth of the blade that shimmered in the faint lighting. Japanese kanji were engraved in the blade, and I could make out the symbols for honor, purity, and healing among them. As Sensai raises the tantō over me, I close my eyes as I wait for my life to be taken. Instead the ripping of fabric fills the silence as a cold breeze slices between my eyes. With a gasp I can't help but stare into his eyes as the man I had once called father closed his eyes in disappointment. My orange mask lay in two by my knees. His breath shudders in anger as he grips the cranes neck. "You have tainted the honor of ninjitsu. Have posed as a man and deceived your superiors. For this, you must pay. It is time you learn your place, and what obligation such wanton women hold. An obligation that you have long with-held from my sons..."

A curt nod was all it took as Leo stepped forward, taking the blade from Sensai with a respectful bow. A snicker was heard behind me, causing me to turn. I wish that I hadn't. Raph was rubbing his hands in excitement, his eyes taking in my body. I was so confused. I don't know how I didn't know what was going on. I mean, the dude was practically drooling all over the place, not to mention he was starting to get a little... _tight_ around the lower shell, if you know what I mean. Anyways, I was completely clueless as he started to advance. Standing up, I start to back up in fear, only to bump into something firm.

"Donnie..."

My hands reach for his shoulders in a feeble attempt to find some comfort, but he grabs me by the wrists, locking gazes with me.

"Donnie... please... I didn't mean to hurt you. Hurt any of you! I just wanted to belong. I just wanted to watch out for you guys. I didn't even know it was dishonorable until a few years after Master Splinter started to train us. Shell, I didn't even know I was a girl until I was six!" He just stares at me. No emotion, no nothin'. It's like trying to have a conversation with Leo when he's meditating! Completely pointless. I could feel the tears threatening to spill, but I won't let them fall. I can't. I can only tremble as I close them and whisper in fear. "I'm sorry..."

"It's alright..." His voice sounds heavenly, and I feel like I'm gonna faint. He leans down and whispers in my ear, his breath warm and yet cool against my skin. For a moment I feel hope and safe as he pulls me into his strong arms. But like I said, it was only for a moment. "You're gonna make up for it..."

Before I can react he 's got my chin held in his grip and his mouth over mine. I'm in shock. I had always wanted him to do this, but it's not the same. I'm scared at his aggressiveness. The way he holds me against his body, his fingers leaving bruises against my skin. The dude's tormenting me as he slowly makes his way down my neck. His spit's leaving cold spots all over, and he begins to nip at my skin. Why is he doing this? We're in in front of everybody! Why isn't Master Splinter stopping him? He's gonna get in trouble! I'm tainted! I'm not worthy of him! So why is he doing this?

A gasp escapes my throat as my brother firmly massages the sensitive side of my thigh, causing my head to jerk back. Slowly his head starts to descend down to my chest, where he begins to feather my plastron with kisses. That's when I felt it. Another mouth sucking at my neck, a pair of calloused hands gripping my shoulders with such a force that it makes me cry out in pain.

"Raph..."

"Tha's my name, gorgeous," he murmurs against the spot where he had just left a bit of spit, sending a shiver down my spine. I don't like this! Donnie is one thing, but Raph something completely different. I don't like how he's touching me and I want him to stop, but his grip only tightens when I squirm. "Relax, Mikey. You'll like this, I swear."

"Raph, stop it! Let me go!" I can hear him growl in frustration as he tries to hold me still. "I mean it, Raph! Let go!!"

"So I's gotta let go, but Donnie gets ta have his way wits you?" It's then that I remember my other bro's still trying to nurse through my plastron. Raph only chuckles. "I don't thinks so..."

"He has a point," Et tu, Leo? "We share in this family, and that includes toys."

"Dude! I'm not a toy!"

"On the contrary, Mikey, you are."

At this point, I'm at a complete loss. Donnie's licking my plastron like last night's dinner plate and massaging my thigh, Raph's going all vampire on my neck, and now I got Leo using my fingers as lollipops! And to top it all off, Master Splinter is just sitting there! As though it was perfectly normal for three bros to be molesting their baby sister! Why can't they just kill me and be done with it? Why are they doing this?

Oh Spirits! I can't stand any more! All of my senses are starting to overload and... why is the room starting to spin? That can't be good. I feel several hands gently lower me to the ground, and all I want to do is sleep. My vision begins to flutter shut until I feel the air being knock out of my lungs, something heavy be plopped on top of me. Why don't I ever listen to my gut? I mean, how come whenever it screams _'don't open your eyes!'_ I always have to open my eyes?

There on top of me was Donnie, straddling my waist, his nails digging deep into my hips.

"_Donnie!!!_" I can't get up! His grip is too strong! Squirming isn't gonna help much, either. Leo is facing Donnie as he holds my wrists above my head with one hand, while the other gently strokes my side where the skin meets the plastron. This only makes me squirm more, though, 'cause I'm really ticklish! His head resting next to my forehead as he whispers sugar-coated crap about bringing honor back to the family name.

"It's alright, Mikey. This is the real reason why you were born. This is what you're really suppose to be..."

"What? Your little sex toy? Dude, I'm not gonna play that game -- AHHHHHH!!!"

"And jus what are yous? 'Cause yous seem ta be enjoyin' it..." Raph had caught me off-guard, bending my legs so that he had good access to my much _lower_ anatomy. His breath had tickled the bottom of my plastron, making me writhe as he decides to get more active. I can't help but choke as I feel him dart his tongue along the underside of my tail, the slimy organ leaving a trail of ooze as it strokes it's way dangerously close to my butt-hole. I bite my lip to prevent myself from screaming, and taste copper. By now Leo had decided that my jugular was a teething ring, which added to the torment as he gummed it with such a force that had me moaning to high heaven. "Ha-ha! Sees? Yous'll be beggen' like the whore yous are in no's time!"

I opened my mouth to tell Raph that he could go fuck Casey if he was so horny, but it's kinda hard when Donnie's trying to suck the air outta your lungs. Closing my mouth tightly, he begins to lick the blood from my lips.

"Mmph... come on, Mikey. Stop being... mmm... so difficult. We're going to kill you anyways." He chuckles as my eyed widen. "Oh, come on, Mikey. Did you actually expect us to just let you get away with tainting the family honor of Bushido?"

"What kinda fucked up game are you playing at?" Alright, not the best choice of words, but still. I can feel Leo chuckle against my neck as Donnie gives me that look. The look you would give a small child after they ask an obvious question and it's, like, the cutest thing ever.

"In case you failed to notice, Mikey, you have three mutant turtles ravishing you at once. I think it's safe to say that _you're_ the game."

Before I can respond, he has his mouth over mine again, attempting to pry it open. Tough luck, Bro, 'cause there's no way I'm gonna let you -- "AHHHHH!!!" -- alright, scratch that.

It was at that point that Raph had finally hit home. His tongue had swirled against my hole, lubing it up. It was so weird and wrong on so many levels, but I at the same time, it feels so good. Why does it feel good? I'm in hysterics by the time my hot-head bro finally shoves his tongue up. The wet movements scraping against the inside of my anus has me writhing all over. I try to kick him in the face, but he hooks my legs over his shoulders, holding me firmly in place.

All this action gave Donnie just the distraction needed, because the moment I felt Raph's tongue, my mouth had opened in a blood-curdling scream, which was silenced as Donnie firmly latched on. Now I'm finding myself stuck in a game of tonsil hockey! My bro's using his tongue to gather all the blood that remained in my mouth, smearing it against my own as they begin to dance again.

Tears stain my face in streaks as I try to make sense of the situation, but my senses are so overwhelmed that I don't have a clue what started this in the first place! Soon the salty wetness against my face is gone as Leo laps them up. His voice cooing what I assume is suppose to be soft comforts in my ear.

"Shu-shu... it's alright... we're just getting to the best part... don't cry, don't cry... you'll ruin that pretty little face if you let anymore tears stain it."

"Yeah, Mikey," Donnie adds, resting his forehead against mine. Raph's still a bit preoccupied down below. "We want to to look like the beautiful turtle you are when you die. Not like some two-penny whore."

"Th-then... sob... j-just -hic- k-kill m-me-me alrea-ready!" I can't believe they're doing this! Even Shredder would have more mercy then they're showing right now! Why? WHY? What do I have to do so that they'll just kill me already? I mean, this is just evil! Something hard brushes against my leg, and I know what's going to happen. A pathetic mess, my gaze makes it's way up to the one who could put a stop to this. My eyes filled with pain and fear.

"Father... please! Make them stop! Just kill me and be done with it! I beg you! Please!" Raph had abandoned my lower body as the hardness rubbed against my opening. My hands became free as my oldest bro let go and grips my shoulders. Before I can react, he flips me over with such force that the air is forced from my lungs again, my vision going blurred after my face comes in contact with the ground. Even with my senses on overload, I can feel my cheek burn against the ice cold floor. I'm unbound, my brothers having let me go, merely standing behind me. But that's what's so bad!

"Who's first?" My oldest bro asks the others.

"I'll goes first. He-he... always wannid a virgin. Should be's real good..."

"Hmm... nah. I think we should let Donnie have her first."

"What? Whys should we's let him have firs go?"

" 'Cause he was closest to her, and she hurt him the most. Seems only fair, don't you think?"

"Hmph..."

Tears fell cascaded like a waterfall as I try to stifle the sobs that are wracking my body. I know I should run, but I just can't. I'm too tired, too overloaded, and to be honest? I just don't give a damn. What's the point? No matter how much I want them to kill me, they aren't.

I can't control myself anymore as I feel the normally gentle hand of my smart brother. Oh Spirits, oh Spirits, oh Spirits! Please stop him! He's mounting me from behind, and I can feel his breath against my neck as he attempts to control his arousal.

No! I don't care what they say! I _AM_ a ninja! I _DO_ have honor! And I _AM NOT_ going down _WITHOUT_ a fight!

"_ARGGHH!!! GET TH FUCK OFF OF ME!!!_" I kick with all my might, all of my spirit back. To say that Donnie's surprised is, like, the understatement of year. His voice filled the room with swears as he attempted to pin me down, his fingers adding blue to my already bruised skin. "_DUDE! LIKE I TOLD THOSE LITTLE SHITS FROM BIRTHDAY HELL, BLACK AN' BLUE CLASHES WITH GREEN! NOW GET THE FUCKING HELL OFF OF ME!!!_"

"Ha-ha! She ain't too feisty for yous, is she, Brainiac? Ha-ha!"

"Grrr... Just watch!"

Our legs fumble and strike as he attempts to pin them. Like I said, I'm not going down without a fight, and I can tell he knows it, 'cause he's banging my head against the cement floor. I can feel the blood running down from where my head cracked. Too bad it isn't bad enough to kill me. Well, crap, dude. Now I can't move, and... what exactly was I doing again? Damn, I can't remember. Why am I bleeding? What's pressing against my lower? Oh yeah, that's right. Shit...

"Damn! She's _really_ tight!" Donnie's cock is pressing against my virgin opening, and I loose it again, letting all my shields and walls crumble as the tears flow. I doubt they're gonna leave anymore stains. Digging his nails into my hips, my bro pulls back and rams his cock through. A blood-curdling scream ricochets in the darkness. Was that really me? Did I actually scream? I can't really tell 'cause I'm a little bit busy trying to handle the pain coursing through my body. It feels like I'm being sliced in two. Spirits! I think it's safe to say that Donnie's enjoying himself, 'cause the dude's moaning like a... a... well, I can't think of anything right now, but he's really enjoying himself. He's starting to pull out, and me being the stupid bitch that I am, think he's going to let the others have their fun so that they can kill me already.

News Flash, girl: a guy doesn't cum after the first thrust.

"God, damn it! So... so _tiiiigght_! _GAH_...! Jeezus, Mikey! You've been holding out on us!"

"She that good?"

"What do yous think, Leo? He's moanin' like that 'cause he's bored?"

Now from what I learned, we're still turtles, but the mutagen had added human-type stuff to our bodies. That's why we can walk on two feet and talk like normal people. Right now, I'm guessing that we have the same stuff when it comes to... um, _sexual pleasure_, 'cause he ramming into me again and again like their was no five minutes, and I'm enjoying it. Man! How messed up is that? I mean, he's flat out raping me and I'm wanting him to keep on doing it? Jeezus! I can feel him in me, grinding against the inner walls of my... well, i don't know what it is, but it _HURTS_!!! The dude must have been taking enhancements or something, 'cause it's so far up and I can't even tense my muscles around him! Hold up! What's that? That... that liquid? That... oh.

He screams as he lets it loose, filling me with his jizz. Leo and Raph are just laughing it up, trying to figure out who's next. With a final grunt, he pulls himself out of me, only to collapse back down, pressing me into the ground. Blood is dripping from my canal, pooling between my legs.

"Why...?" I can't help but whisper the question, more to myself then them.

"You hurt me," Donnie whispered huskily, breath panting against my cheek. His voice was filled with a hatred I had never witnessed before. It was calm and collected, and oozing with sadness, disgust, and anger. "I trusted you. I thought you were my brother, and helped train you! Helped raised you! You betrayed me! How dare you. _HOW DARE YOU!!!_"

I'm surprised my brains haven't leaked out my nose yet, what with him bashing my head in again. Blood, though... got that covered. It's pouring out my nose like... eugh... why can't I think? Why can't...huh?

A shimmer of green catches my eye and my breath holds, blue orbs widening the size of Papa John's large pepperoni and sausage pizzas. The crane shimmered in the candlelight just a few feet away, and I felt a surge of hope. Leo must have dropped it after molesting my neck! Oh Spirits! You really do care! With narrowed eyes I know I need to act. My bros are arguing over who's next. Apparently Donnie really wants to take me from the front. Says he wants to try it like humans do. Disgusting.

Slowly, so not to draw their attention, I reach for the handle. Closer and closer I inch my fingers, nearly there. The arguing heats up and Donnie's fingers are digging into hip, drawing more blood. Almost... almost.. A silent curse slips from my mouth as I clumsily brush it farther away.

"That's it!" Uh-oh... "Come on, Mikey. One more round. Human style, this time..."

Sorry, Donnie, but I don't think so. My hand darts out as he starts to turn me on my back, grabbing the tantō. I nearly cry in happiness as I feel the cold jade against my hand. A blood-curdled scream fills rings out once more, leaving my bro staring down at me with wide eyes, the amber orbs that had once held so much intelligence now glazed over. At first, no one moves, hell, no one even breaths. Donnie can only stare, the amber darting lazily over me, as if wondering what had just happened. I think he's shocked at my reaction. He probably thought I would be crying like a baby, or frozen in a silent scream. I highly doubt he was expecting a piercing gaze that butchered his black heart to a bloody mulch. I highly doubt that he was expecting a _woman_ to be clutching a tantō into his plastron, digging deeper with slow turns._ I_, however, _was not_ expecting him to smirk with bloodied lips, grisly saliva dripping onto my face as he whispers that one word:

"M... mur... derer..."

A hoarse growl came from my throat as I shove him off, the blade coming with me. His limp form rolls over like my Silver Sentry action figure, and I can't stare. I want to so bad, but I can't, 'cause I've got the rest of my family to deal with.

"Murderer..." They smirk as I glare. If only looks could kill, 'cause I swear they would die five times over. How could I call them my family? After all they've done to me? It's sickening! Worst of all, Splinter is just standing there. His face distorting into the disgusting monster that he is. Distorting like my bros -- NO! They are NOT my brothers! I never had any bros! They're just monsters! Horrible monsters that want me dead! Their eyes are glowing red behind those masks, and their teeth are growing a rapid speed, along with their bodies! It's awful! Rank breath poisons the air as they laugh, erasing my confidence into doubt. Mocking me with their chants. "Murderer! Murderer! Murderer...!"

"You were always weak to begin with." Leo...

"Jeeze! Not ta mention an ugly bitch." Ralph...

"I can't believe I wasted my precious time trying to teach a brainless idiot like you." Donnie...

"You have no honor." ... Father...

"No honor!" _NO!!_

"Your wrong!!" I'm facing them, all doubt that had been in my face pulled back into the raw hatred toward these monsters. How can they claim to follow the values of Bushido with these vile acts? How? The crane is held close to me, _'CAUSE I SURE AS HELL AIN'T GONNA LET THEM NEAR ME!!!_ "I'm not the one without honor! It's you! You claim to serve the values of Bushido! But here you are, violating all of them!! You claim rectitude, but you broke morals by raping me! I mean come on! Honesty! You're saying that you were never happy with me being here, but you've told me lots of time before that you were proud of me! That you were happy I was your brother! So either you were lying for the past sixteen years, or you just fed me a buncha bullshit right now!! I'm not even gonna bring up respect!"

At this point I really don't care anymore. Standing straight, I begin circling them. Oh, how I love the looks of disbelief on their faces! Sure their still smirking with those grotesque teeth and hideous faces, but I can see it now. They're scared. Scared of _ME!!_ And I love it! Glancing down, I admire the blade, a smile covering my features as I muse over _their_ dishonor, and the blades beauty. I mean, it's, like, so shiny and smooth. Kinda like Leo's katanas, only more... pure. Then again, it _is_ a crane. They're symbols of honor and loyalty. And it's made of jade. Jade symbolizes healing, so it's no wonder that Master Splinter would use this. It cleanses the disloyalty and dishonor. Dude! That was pretty deep! I can't believe I just thought of that!

"Benevolence... you know that I never meant to hurt you, but I did, so you totally let your feelings cloud your judgement! You aren't giving me a fair trial, 'cause you want me to hurt as well! That's got to be the most cowardice thing I've ever heard! Which brings us to the virtue of courage! Do you honestly think that it take's that much courage to take advantage of someone weaker then you? I don't think so!" Damn, I'm really enjoying this! They're _totally_ not liken this. Sure, they aren't showing anything, but... you know what? I think I'm just really pissed and confident. Ah, who cares? Screw them, I'm on a role.

"And finally we come down to the two virtue's at hand: Honor, and Loyalty." Alright, now I'm just pissed. "How dare I say that I've been loyal? Hmm, let's see. Could it be that I fought for you guys, _even_ after you put me through hell with your teasing? Could it be that I stayed by you _even_ though Kairi offered me multiple times to join her? That's right! Kairi found out about a month after that whole run in with those stone freaks and Winters!

"She said that even women play an important role in Ninjitsu, and that if I joined her, then I would be able to belong! _BUT I DIDN'T! I STAYED WITH YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!! BECAUSE YOU'RE MY FAMILY AND I WOULD DIE FOR YOU!!!_"

I can't keep it in anymore, and I wish I was crying, but I had overused my tear quota for the next year or so. How can't they get this? I've risked just as much as them. I resisted temptation so that they could live, but they still hate me. Glancing down at the jade crane, I rub a finger over the elegant neck. There's only one thing left to do.

"I still love you..." Whispering so faint, it's hard to believe that 'loud, obnoxious Mikey' could accomplish that. I don't know why, but my hand isn't shaking or anything as I raise the blade toward my neck. The sharpness of the blade rests gently the jugular. The blood is boiling as I can feel the pressure on my life line. Am I really going to do this?

"Even though you hate me. Even though you're monsters, I still love you. I'm sorry I hurt you, but I'm _not_ sorry that I kept this from you. I'm _not_ sorry that I learned Ninjitsu, even though I'm a woman, I'm _not_ sorry that I fought in battle. I did all those things because I love you. Because I want you to be happy. And if this'll calm the monsters that are tormenting your souls because of your biased hurt and pain toward me, then so be it..."

A firm slice was all it took. One twisted gesture of my love towards them. Sure, there's no way that I'm gonna live, but it's worth it. Although... it feels really weird. I was scared that it would be painful, but it's, like, peaceful, you know? So what if my life line was severed. So what if there's blood -- my blood -- running down my neck? It's actually kinda... relaxing. I mean, the blood is so warm, so... comforting. And the way it's pooling deep into my plastron? It's... I don't know how to explain it. It's sticky and oozing, and it stings like shit against my scarred muscles that had been infected by the soiled rags I would wrap around in order to prevent my blossoming chest, but it's... right. It's so right. Dude! I'm getting really sleepy, you know? They're laughing... I can hear them. They're yelling insults and saying how glad they are that I'm dead... but I don't care. I just want to sleep.

"Idiot!"

"About time!"

"Wondaful! No ways I'm clean' up that blud!"

"Retard..."

"Is she not dead yet?"

I don't care... I just want to sleep...

"Make sure she doesn't wake up!"

"Yeah, Mikey! Just stay that way!"

"Don't wake up!"

DoN't waKe uP...

DoN't wAkE uP...

oN't wAkE uP...

N't wAkE uP...

wAkE uP...

waKe uP...!

wAKe uP..!

wAKe UP.!

"WAKE UP!!"

"MIKEY! WAKE UP!!"

_Who's yelling? I thought they didn't want me to wake up?_

"Mikey!"

_Raph?_

"My son! Please wake up!"

_Sensai?_

"Mikey, please wake up..."

"Donnie?" Blue orbs opened lazily at the sound of the hoarse whisper, staring directly into tear-filled amber, which widened in fearful joy.

"Mikey?" Don whispered, as though the slightest noise would cause his baby sibling to fall into another unconscious state.

"What's going on? I thought I was dead."

"Is that what you wee dreaming about? That you died?" The eldest of the four sat down on the bed, reaching out to hold his 'brother's' shoulder in comfort. His eyes widened slightly as the youngest jerked out of their grasp, yelling at the top of 'his' lungs.

"Don't touch me!"

"Shh... it is alright my son," Splinter whispered soothingly, a concerned frown as the turtle burst out in tears. "Shh... shh... it is alright --"

"_WHAT HAPPENED??_" The others glanced at each other in worried confusion, as Mikey backed as far against the headboard as possible, holding the sheet as though to cover up indecency. Raph at this point had finally spoken up, staying as far from Mikey as he felt would not invade his troubled sibling's bubble.

"Yous was screamin' like yous was bein' tortured or somethin," The others were shocked at how gentle his voice was. "We's tried ta wake ya up, but yous just started cussin' like... well, more then me!"

"I did?"

"You also started to kick and went into what Don thinks was a seizure," Leo added, unconsciously rubbing his eye, which had begun to purple a bit.

"Did I do that?"

"Heh, yeah. Don't worry about it. At least I know to avoid your roundhouses during training from now on."

"Sorry."

"Don't worry."

"Mikey..." the purple clad brother started, but trailed off, considering his words wisely. "Mikey, after you started to get violent, you calmed down for a bit and started to cry. Then you got violent again... and..."

"Yous scared the crap outta us!"

"Rapheal!"

"Sorry, Sensai."

"What he means is," Leo tried to get close, but stopped at the visible flinch. "You suddenly stopped breathing."

"Huh?"

"You had been screaming something about Bushido and honor, and then... you... just stopped breathing."

"I had to perform CPR." Mikey jumped as Don materialized next to her side, a cup of water in hand. "Drink this. Anyways, you just stopped breathing, and by the time I was able to get you regulation started again, your heartbeat was still faint, and we were freaked that if you didn't wake up, then... well..."

"Your nightmare must have been truly terrible, my son. We were terrified!"

"So... What did yous dream, anywho?"

"Raph!"

"Don't start, Leo! Somethin' scared 'im bad enough to kill 'im! I don't knows about yous, but I don't wants that ta be happenin' again!"

"He's still in shock! Just give him time!"

"Guys -- "

"It was Doctor Malignus."

"Wha...?"

"My dream. Doctor Malignus captured me and did a buncha weird experiments."

"That's what almos' killed ya?"

"Umm... well, it was really realistic... and dreams, umm... can be, like... really realistic, right?"

"I don' believes this shit!"

"Sigh... Rapheal! Please go back to bed, along with the rest of you. Michelangelo needs his rest, and your questions are not helping _-- or outbursts!_"

Grumbling, Rapheal stormed out of the room, cussing about being worked up over a stupid dream. Heading towards the door, Leo waited until Master Splinter had exited.

"Mikey, if you ever want to talk, just let me know, 'kay? About anything."

"Sure."

"That goes double for me."

Mikey jerked out of her thoughts as she faced her purple clad brother. She had completely forgotten about him. How that was possible, she had no idea, but she suddenly felt scared. Don held his hands, staring intently at them. It was impossible for her to tell what he was thinking, what with his face completely neutral.

"Mikey..." he began gently, still not making eye contact. His grip tightened. "Mikey... when you had your quiet lapse, you started to moan. Like you were in... pleasure. I told the others that it was probably from pain. You know, like when we were kids? When our fevers got really bad and we would moan...?"

The orange clad turtle tilted her head in curiosity as her brother began to frown, struggling at what to say. It was obvious that he was trying not to say anything that would offend her. For a moment she thought it was cute, but a rush of memories came flash flooding her back into fear and discomfort.

"What I'm trying to say is... I'm wondering... if... d-did you..."

"Don, your scaring me..."

"Did you dream that you were being raped?"

The words came racing out of his mouth, barely understandable as he clenched his eyes, fearful of a relapse. Needless, Mikey understood every word, though shocked that it was Donnie -- of all people -- that asked about being raped. Part of her wanted to cry in memory, but stopped as she heard a sobbing.

"Donnie?"

"Sorry, Mikey," He wiped away his tears with his hand, followed by his nose. His whole body was shaking as he tried to control himself. "I-it's just that I was scare. I was so scared! I thought that I was going to lose you! I had never seen you freak out like that, and when you stopped breathing...?"

"Donnie..." That's when he lost it. Breaking down, he hunched over as sobs wracked his body. All the fear that had been left over from the night terror was immediately increased, though not _of _her brother, but rather _for_ him. Reaching over, she held his hand, tugging him over onto the bed. Her heart began to beat faster as the somewhat familiar weight of her brother pressed against her as he hugged her waist. Tears wracking his body into gasps of breaths. "Shh... it's okay Donnie. I'm here, and I'm not gonna go anywhere. It's alright... the nightmare's over..." _For now..._

Fifteen minutes passed before Don was able to calm down, his shoulders heavy in rhythm to his shuddering breaths. Mikey stared down at him with half-lidded eyes. Humming a quiet lullaby, she slowly stroked his head. It was a risk, she knew. Her family still thought she was a boy, and she wanted to keep it a secret more then ever now. But.. she couldn't stand to see her strong, intelligent brother reduced to such a child-like state.

"Mikey...?" The rasping whisper disturbed her, but she never faltered in her humming and stroking. A slight _Mmm-hmm_ blended into her song was all the was needed to let him know she had heard him. "How is it... that you're like our mom?"

"What do you mean?" Her voice was soft as she continued to soothe his head, all the while trying to relax her tensed muscles. _This is not happening!_

"I mean... you're comforting. You can comfort us in a way that our father can't. You take care of us in ways that... we normally would have him do, but... I don't know. It's like you're maternal instincts are stronger then ours."

"Dude, are you saying I'm a chick?"

"No, I'm just saying that... it's great. Leo's always trying to be a leader, show us how to be strong, ya know? Raph... _teh_. Raph's the free-loader that always has to protect us. Make sure that we aren't doing anything stupid."

"What about you?"

"Me? I'm the one that makes sure everything is functional, you know? I have to make sure that all the security equipment is up and functional. But you... you're like the mother. You make sure that we're taking care of ourselves. Even after putting up with a whole day of birthday parties, you would always cook for us. Either that or make sure we had a pizza ordered. Face it Mikey, when it comes to the kitchen, you're a god! You've got this: _Cook In My Kitchen and Feel My Wrath_ thing going on." Mikey couldn't help but giggled at that. It was true. She had once went ballistic on Sensai after he had tried to make them breakfast. Sure she had apologized, and she sill got in major trouble, but he had actually smiled at her dedication. Not to mention she had made them all omelets that were ten times better then his sad attempt at scrambled eggs. "The pantry's always full thanks to you, and you always make sure that we eat. You even made sure that Raph was eating when Leo was gone. _That_ took guts. Heh-heh... I mean, you had marched right up and broke his door down!"

"Sorry about that."

"Hey, it was worth seeing Raph's face. You told him that if he didn't eat, then you'd feed it to the shellcycle, and that just pissed him off, so you yelled. _Yelled_, that you'd make sure he had a little _accident_ that made it so he couldn't move his arms, and force feed him!"

"He didn't really like that, did he?"

"He still ate. When you yell, you get this '_evil-eye_' thing going on, and we know not to mess with you. Ever since Leo left, and Master Splinter was getting older, you would take care of us. Your room may be the city dump, but you made sure that the other living quarters were clean. You would do our laundry, cook, clean, and it was pretty scary. You were like a girl... you still are."

"Sorry?"

"Don't be. It's nice. Especially in moments like these. Don't listen to Ralph, and I know that Leo may not like finding comfort, but that's because they're scared for their reputations and egos. You can offer a comfort that Sensai never could... I think it's because there aren't any females of our kind." Don's grip around her waist tightened, causing her heart to race, but it stilled as she felt his head resting against her side... _Like a child._ "You know, there are some forms of reptiles that would change their gender, so that they wouldn't die out, you know?"

"Where's this going Donnie?"

"I think that your estrogen level is higher then your testosterone level."

"Umm...?"

"It means your parental instincts are more on a maternal level."

"Oh..."

"Sigh... your more worried about our emotions and health then you are actual protection."

"OH!! Well why didn't you say so?"

"Heh-heh. Anyways, it's nice. You know, I'm really happy that you're our brother."_ How ironic._ "It's times like these I really need you."

"No prob. Look Donnie, it's four in the morning. We really need to get some sleep, 'kay?"

"I'm not leaving."

"Don, I need to sleep."

"That's why I'm staying! You almost _died_, Mikey!"

"Oh, yeah -- "

"_OH, YEAH! _How cou--" Don cut him self off, taking a deep breath as he regained his composure. Having let go of Mikey in his sudden outburst, he leaned against the head board. A glance over at his baby 'brother' made him curse mentally. Tears had begun to well up in those blue orbs, causing his heart to sink. "Oh, Mikey... I'm sorry, I just..."

Seeing her brother reach toward her, she yelped and jumped back in fear. Slowly the hand plopped into his lap, the focus point of his brooding once more.

_This isn't fair,_ Mikey mused, hanging her head in shame. _It was a dream. He really does care. He's not gonna hurt me._ Quietly she reached over to touch his hand, causing him to look up. Amber made contact with blue as the message was sent. A small smile tugged at Donnie's lips as he let her pull him into her embrace once more. His head resting against her upper plastron, he began to drift into the wonders of dreamland, Mikey leading the way as she hummed that simple lullaby and soothing his head in gentle strokes.

_Maybe this isn't so bad..._

_**"You were always weak to begin with." Leo...**_

_**"Jeeze! Not ta metion an ugly bitch." Ralph...**_

_**"I can't believe I wasted my precious time trying to teach a brainless idiot like you." Donnie...**_

_**"You have no honor." ... Father...**_

_**"No honor!" NO!!**_

_Then again... I think I'll keep it a secret. After all, _Mikey slowly closed her eyes, lulling to sleep against her brother's soft breathing._ I don't wanna go through another jagai anytime soon..._

END

A/N:

for the record, it took me about 2 weeks to finish this story, 'cause of finals, but mostly because I kept getting grossed out ; I spent six straight hours on the ending, and I basically spent the whole time rubbing my neck and shivering [fyi: that means I was jerking my body all over in a "this-is-so-disgusting-i-can't-believe-i'm-actually-writing-this-!-!-!" type of way so... sorry if it's too graphic. I think it kinda is.

jigai -- a woman's seppuku; involves the cutting of the jugular vein, rather then the disembowelment, or "belly-cutting," performed by the men; both seppuku and jagai were considered "honor suicides,"and that killing one's self would be more honorable then having an executioner due it.

ko -- ?Japanese for child?

tantō -- a short sword used by Samurai and occasionally women in self defense; used in seppuku [Japanese ritual suicide

"human-style" -- although the turtles have human characteristics, I think they would sex in the turtle fashion, which is why Donnie was on Mikey's shell, rather then her plastron. if ya got more questions... don't ask me. I'm not even really sure how humans have sex, and i'm 19!

roundhouses -- roundhouse kick [martial arts move


End file.
